The Fellowship And Friends Meet Our Reality
by Luineraugwen the Dark Elf
Summary: The Felloship and some of their friends drop into our reality, or actually, our mansion. Writen by two girls with a wierd sense of humor. Warning: Swearing and pure madness
1. Default Chapter

Disclaimer: Neither myself or my friend who co wrote this story own Lord of the Rings. We do however own Jippin and Elfy as well as the idea for the story.

Author Note: Elfy and Jippin are actually are the nicknames my friend and I have for each other. I'm Elfy and my friend is Jippin. It's actually Pippin but because we would get mixed up with the two characters named pippin, we changed it for this story. Enjoy.

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Hello, this is a strange and abnormal tale. One night Jippin was watching a freaky movie called "The Lion King' and Elfy was asleep in her room in their 42 room mansion. All of a sudden a strange and abnormal thing happened. A big flash of white light and Elfy screamed from her room.

"IIIIDDDDIIIIOOOOTTTTSSSS" and comes tearing down the stairway wearing her longest nightgown.

"What's the matter, Elfy?" Jippin asked.

"Ip, Ip, Ip, Mommy" she says then faints.

Jippin wakes her friend up and takes her upstairs. Elfy is still terrified of what she saw upstairs and hears noises in her room. We creep up to the door, open it slightly and slowly turn on the light. And then we saw them….

"AAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!!!!" Elfy and Jippin scream. They screamed. We all screamed. Jippin slammed the door. Elfy went to grab a knife of one of the many kitchens so they could stab whatever hideous creatures that had appeared in Elf's room.

They slowly edged back to the mysterious, strange and abnormal room. They silently counted to three and yelled "CCCCHHHHAAAARRRRGGGGEEEE". Not very smart thing to do but hey, did we say they were intelligent. We stopped short when we saw six swords, one staff, one arrow and two axes pointed in their direction.

"Dude we're in trouble now" Jippin said.

"Raise your hands and drop that knife" Legolas commanded. Elfy dropped the knife…right on Jippin's foot.

"You bitch, that was my foot!!!" Jippin runs around the room yelling 'Shit'.

"Ladies of your status should truly not use such colorful language" Gimli said shaking a finger at Jippin.

"Oh well. Go to hell and fuck yourself on the way" a very pissed off Jippin replied.

"Are you alright?' asked Pippin.

"Do you think I'm alright? My foot is bleeding damnit". Pippin cowers. A sudden flash of white light blinds everyone and Faramir, Haldir and Denethor land on top of her.

"Aw great, now my back is broken. Where is Elrond when you need him?" Definitely the wrong thing to say at that time. A third flash of light and Elrond, Arwen, Galadriel and Celeborn landed on top of Jippin, the Gondor boys and the elf.

"Oh joy, now we're babysitting adults" said Elfy in a sarcastic tone that even a three year old child could recognize but the Fellowship and friends stared at her in amusement.

"Someone get these guys off of me," Jippin yelled then glared at Elrond over her shoulder. "Elrond you're supposed to heal me not hurt me!"

"Where are we?" Merry asked.

"Our mansion. Why?" Elfy replied.

"What's a mansion?" Pippin asked.

"A really big house…" Jippin answered.

"Um excuse me, but why are there pictures of me on the walls?" asked Legolas slightly disturbed.

"'Because it's my room and get out! All of you!" Elfy replied blushing.

They all exited the room looking disturbed except for Pippin who stood there and asked, "Does that include me?".

"What do you think, Pip?" Elfy replied giving him a cold look. The hobbit began to inch away from the girls, with that don't-make-any-sudden-movements look in his eyes. Once everyone was out of her room, Elfy closed the door and prepared for a long night and day.

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Luineraugwen: Chappie one out of the way. Look out for more madness written by my friends and I. It might take a while to update due to the school holidays. Sorry that the chapter was so short.


	2. Facts of Life

Luineraugwen: This chapter is a hell of a lot better than the last. Danger, mayhem, and no electrical appliances left in the house as well as no more cars and motorbikes. Also strange things that go bump in the night….Just read it and you'll know what we mean.

Disclaimer: Neither Jippin or myself own any of Tolkien's works. But we do own this story.

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After bandaging Jippin's foot, the Fellowship and friends were exploring the big lounge room and the closet kitchen. Bet you can guess whose their. Jippin was still glaring at Elrond, and Elrond was glaring back. Time for a showdown!! 

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT came a noise from the kitchen and the hobbits with Pippin's face covered in a suspicious substance that looked like chocolate. Legolas drew his bow ran to the kitchen with the others hot on his heels, except for Jippin and Elrond who continued with their glaring competition.

"Hasam" Gandalf yelled as he tried to get his beard out of the blender. The machine blew into a thousand pieces.

"Jippin you might want to get in here. They broke the blender. I knew I shouldn't have left it out" Elfy said.

"How that hell did they do that and Elrond this isn't over. I'll be back!" Jippin gave his a final glare before she went to give the bastard you broke the blender a small piece of her mind because that's all she could spare.

She walked into the room to see Gandalf with bits of melted blender and flames in what remained of his precious beard.

"That's it, everybody to bed!" Jippin ordered but she was downed out by the sounds of " Hi I'm Warren and I' m looking for a mate" as well as the two hobbits Merry and Pippin screaming their heads off and then WHACK.

The group ran back into the lounge room to see Merry and Pippin looking extremely guilty.

" Ah, you broke the television!!" Elfy yelled in anger.

" The what a vision?" asked Merry completely bewildered.

" That's it, up stairs all of you!" Jippin repeated and this time they obeyed. 

The two girls lined the group up and sent them to their rooms. Placing Aragorn and Arwen on opposite sides of the hallway. Then turned they turned to Aragorn and Arwen and said, "We don't want to hear anything going bump in the night. This house is full enough. Got it?". They nodded and then everyone went to bed.

Elfy got up in the early morning to get a drink of water and distinctly heard BUMP. 

'Maybe it was nothing' Elfy thought, she took three more steps and heard another BUMP, BUMP, BUMP.

"Didn't they listen to me at all. I said this house was full enough already" Elfy said to herself before running to wake up Jippin. The two girls crept outside of Arwen's room.

"Its nice to know that even males in Middle Earth make bedroom calls" Elfy whispered. All of a sudden from inside the room they heard..

"Maybe we should be a little bit quieter?".

"No need. No one will hear except for the darned elves. No offence to your race sweetie".

"None taken". Sound of big sloppy kisses. "Ew" came the voices of the nearby elves.

"Do you guys listen to everything?" Elfy asked.

"Yes" came several voices.

"Your all sick puppies!".

"Alright I'm going in there. I told them it's not mating season yet" Jippin yelled and burst through the door. Two girly screams come from the room. "Get your clothes on and meet us in the lounge room in five minutes. We're going to have a little talk about the facts of life as well as some ground rules and that includes everyone and hey Pippin. I can smell that!".

"Live long and prosper dude!". he replied.

"I'm not a dude, I'm a chick,". Weird looks from passing elves. "By the way where did you get that stuff, why do you have it and why are you smoking it?". Pippin repeated his former sentence. 

"That's it. Lounge room ALL!".

Five minutes latter Elfy had finally got her drink, Jippin was dancing around and poking Aragorn and Arwen while singing "Spring is in the air".

"Can we make this quick I need by beauty sleep" Celeborn asked yawning.

"Damn right you do" Jippin replied.

"Shut up mortal" he replied.

"This mortal has a name and its JIPPIN!".

"Order, Order," Elfy said getting their attention. "Jippin stop doing that and sit down ". She sat next to Elrond and they continued their glaring competition. "And that too".

"He started it" she replied.

"I don't care who started it. I'll finish it" Elfy said and they stopped.

"Peace out dude" Pippin said making the peace sign.

"Okay first ground rule: No smoking. What are you smoking anyway Pippin?".

"I don't know dude, I found it in your basement".

"Oh hey, my brother left that there" Elfy said.

"Hey look, Sam is flying" Pippin said and he ran off trying to catch an invisible flying Sam while her laughed.

"Second ground rule: Stay out of the basement. Third rule: No mating. This house is full already. By the way. Do you know what happens when you mate?". Elfy and Jippin exchange glances. "Jippin, please explain".

Jippin standing up while Elfy prepares a visual. "Okay here's the deal ladies and gents and stoned objects, in this realm when you mate with the opposite sex". Sam's ears go pink. "The female must eat the male". Elfy shows picture of two spiders. The bigger one had Arwen's head and it was eating a smaller spider with Aragorn's head. All looked horrified but Pippin ran into a wall and knocked himself out.

"Well that takes care of the stoned object" Elrond said. Both couples. Aragorn and Arwen as well as Celeborn and Galadriel, edge slowly away from each other.

"Woa, woa woa, hold it just a second. Don't tell me that you two are still active!" Elfy says to Celeborn and Galadriel and they nod. "Man, you guys are like 15000 years old and still doing it. Do you feel young because you do this?".

"Yes" came the reply. "We also try to look young".

"Well it's not working".

"Ground rule four: Stay out of our rooms. Five, six and seven: No rough housing, No alcoholic drinks except for special occasions and no use of weapons in the house. Go it?". Everybody nods.

"I don't mean to alarm anybody, but had anyone seen Boromir or Faramir this morning?" Jippin asks.

"BBBBBBAAAAAADDDDDDDD HHHHHHHOOOORRRRRRRRSSSSSYYYYY" sounds of car engine in the distance followed by a loud crunching sound.

"Okay that way Boromir, so where is Faramir?".

"BBBBBBBBAAAAADDDDD PPPPPPOOOOOONNNNNNNNEEEEEEYYYYY" as a motorbike drove off as well then the same crunching sound.

"Speak of the devil" Elfy said slapping hand onto forehead.

Jippin trying to find her mobile phone and Aragorn stayed behind to help her even though he didn't know what it was or what it looked like. The rest of the group ventured outside to see the wreckage. They found the machines completely trashed but their drivers were strangely unharmed.

Denethor is yelling at them and saying how useless they are.

"Oh give it a rest Denethor. You've a lousy father already. No need to make it worse" Elfy snapped.

"Your so right" he replied then sat down on the grass, rocking back and forward repeating things about how he almost burned Faramir alive.

"That guy desperately needs a shrink" Elfy said shaking her head.

Meanwhile in the mansion, Jippin and Aragorn are looking for the mobile.

"What does this mobile thing look like?" he asked.

"It's about yay big and it has buttons on it" she replied.

"Is this it?" he said holding up an old and destroyed mobile phone.

"That's what a mobile looks like but its not the one I'm looking for. That one is Elfy's. It probably got destroyed in the blender incident" she said.

"Tell me again what this mobile phone looks like" Aragorn asked.

"Its rectangle and has lots of buttons" she replied.

There was a few beeps of a button and then a whirling sound, followed by a huge WHACK made by Aragorn destroying the microwave with his sword.

"Dude you broke the microwave" Jippin yelled.

"But it moved!".

"Its supposed to move, dip".

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Luineraugwen: End of chapter. Lets see who badmouths this chapter. Keep in mind, flames will be used to severely punish those who don't like.


	3. Ground Rule Number Three Is Broken!

Luineraugwen: Here comes another chapter and people REVIEW. Say it with me. REVIEW!!!

Disclaimer: We don't own any of Tolkien's works just the story.

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It was the night after Boromir and Faramir's big stuff up and wrecking Jippin's motorbike in the process. Jippin refused to speak to the two brothers for the rest of the day. The rest of the day was eventless (the basement was locked) but in the night something very eventful happened.

It was midmorning and Haldir had woken up from a so called *nightmare*. He got up to seek the *company* of a certain she-Elfy.

Knock knock

"Who is it and what do you want?"

"It's me, Haldir" he replied. "I had a nightmare"

"But big strong elven men don't have nightmares" she answered.

"Well this one did. Can I come in?"

"No!" Elfy said. Snickers from the elves.

"Please?"

"Okay come in". Elves continue laughing.

"Must you listen to everything?" Elfy yelled.

"Even I can hear that and I'm not elvish" Jippin yelled from down the hall.

"Ditto" yelled several other voices. But Pippin just said"Peace man"

"Pippin shut up!" Haldir replied. He comes in and sits on the end of Elfy double water bed.

"Are you going to tell me about this nightmare?" she asked.

"Well the nightmare was," moves very close to Elfy. "I was walking through Lothlorien, the most beautiful forest in the world," Laughter from Legolas and the word "Bullshit" from Sam as well as a "Shut up!!" from Jippin who was actually talking in her sleep. "And I saw Jippin's face and screamed but I was...Um…hoping to see you in my dream".

All the elves start singing "Every night in my dreams….."

"Shut up. Just because I saw the fake Titanic movie and you didn't, doesn't mean you can make fun of it!" Jippin yelled in her sleep.

"I wonder what she's dreaming about." Elfy wondered sarcastically.

Merry peeks into Jippin's room to see her smiling, sitting up with her arms wide open and still fast asleep. He screamed and ran.

Back in Elfy's room, Haldir was arguing the point of him sleeping next to Elfy. In the end she gave in and let Haldir sleep next to her.

Then finally everything was quiet, eventually. Until…"OH my god this waters cold" then "I'm drowning" both yelled by Jippin in her sleep.

"What the hell is she dreaming about?" Haldir asked.

"The Titanic" she replied and Haldir gave her a blank look. "I'll explain some other time".

"Yeah right" came from all the elves.

"Oh shut up"

Next morning, Frodo and Merry came running into Elfy's room because they knew better than to talk to a girl ho was drowning in her own blankets.

"Hey Elfy…Oh my god" the hobbits entered her and went pale because to what they saw.

They decided to go and wake up the drowning girl in her blankets before she died. 

"Hey blanket drowning girl, Elfy and Haldir broke ground rule number three. Their mating!" they yelled as the entered Jippin's room.

"I thought I told… They did what?"

Jippin charges into Elfy's room.

"What the hell were you…Oh my god" Jippin said when she walked in. "He has his arms around you and yours are around him"

"What are you doing in my room Jippin? Were you dreaming about the Titanic again?" Elfy said waking up blind to what Haldir was doing.

"Yeah but that's nothing compared to what you did last night. At lest I was drowning and not being hugged by an elf!" Jippin replied.

"What are you doing this morning?" Legolas asked as he put his arms around her.

"Not much. Get off me" she replied and broke from his grasp.

"Shut up, we're trying to sleep!" the surrounding elves yelled.

"You had all night to sleep!" Elfy yelled back.

"Yeah well you weren't the only ones who broke ground rule number three. Our resident rulers of Lothlorien were quite busy last night" Elrond replied.

"Technically we didn't break that rule, I jut had a nightmare" Haldir said and exchanged slyish glances with Legolas.

"Does that have a special meaning?" Jippin asked. Legolas bent down and whispered the meaning in her ear.

"Oh"

"What?" Elfy asked.

"Can I see you outside away from prying eyes and certain ears" Jippin replied. The two girls walked outside the room.

"We'll still be able to hear you"

"You'll hear but not understand" Jippin said and explained the meaning to Elfy in Japanese.

"It means he likes you a lot" Jippin said

"Oh my god" was her only reply.

For the rest of the day wouldn't a) be alone with Haldir in any room, b) wouldn't look him in the eye and c) talk to him. The girls then found out, he was truly hurt.

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Luineraugwen: That ending sucked. I'd like to point out that there were a few grammar mistakes in the last chapter but they were actually typing mistakes and lack of having an editor. The next chapter should be up soon, I just have to organize a time to write it with my co-writer. That could be hard because it is now the school holidays. YAY.


	4. The Waxing of Feet

Disclaimer: We don't own any of Tolkien's works, only this story. Nor do we own the Titanic song or YMCA.

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It was early morning the next day and the blanket drowning girl woke to the sound of her alarm clock and the radio playing 'ÝMCA'. She reached for the snooze button and then WHACK.

"What are you doing in my room?" Jippin yelled.

"I was destroying the strange creature that you were unknowingly reaching for" Aragorn replied, the alarm clock dangling from his sword.

"It's not a dangerous creature. a) Its an alarm clock, b) it wakes me up, c) its not dangerous and it won't bite and d) thanks for destroying it because it had a bunch of gay men in tights singing" Jippin said. "Now get out so I can get ready for school".

He backs away slowly then looks around the room.

"What is it with this guy?" he said referring to all the posters of Legolas.

"He's sexier that you. Now out, out, out, out!" Aragorn runs off to tell the pretty boy elf.

"Man, I shouldn't have said that"

"Ha ha, that's for shooting your mouth off!" the elves yelled.

"Stop listening to everything I say" she yelled back.

"Never!!!!"

A little while latter, Elfy and Jippin have made a plan and they are walking down the hallway.

"Frodo, Merry"

"What?" the say.

Pippin runs out of Merry's room.

"I thought I gave them separate rooms?"

"You did" Elfy said.

They called for the hobbits who came out of their rooms looking scared.

"Don't worry; we're not going to go off our heads at you. Much" Jippin said.

"Do you guys want to come to school?" Elfy asked.

"What's school?" Merry asked.

"It's the work of the devil and we must go there everyday" Jippin replied and then pretended to be a zombie while walking around ad saying "Must go to school" in a dead voice.

The hobbits agreed and Jippin organized their uniforms while Elfy got ready.

"Meet you in the lounge room when your done and don't forget to put on the shoes".

When the hobbits finally came downstairs, they were wearing the uniforms but not the shoes. 

"Why aren't you wearing your goddamn shoes?" Elfy asked.

"Because they're too uncomfortable" Frodo replied.

"Well you either wear the shoes or we wax your feet" Jippin said.

"We choose the waxing of our feet" Merry replied.

"Do you guys know what that means?" Elfy asked.

"No but it sounds like fun" Frodo answered. Elfy and Jippin exchange sly glances with that this-is-going-to-be-fun look in their eyes.

"Legolas, Aragorn can you come down here for a few minutes?" Jippin called up the stairs and added, "If your not too busy wink wink, nudge nudge Aragorn". The two came tearing down the stairs and stood next to the girls. Legolas's ears were red.

"Could you two gentlemen," Legolas goes bright red like a ripe tomato. "Kindly hold down these stupid…I mean lovely hobbits while we wax their feet?" the two girls gave them a big puppy eyes smile, which they fell for hook, line and sinker and they quickly rushed to do their biding.

"Thank you boys. Now make sure you hold them tight. Got it?" they nodded; Legolas was still glowing bright red.

As soon as the hobbits had settled down, the girls applied the jell.

"This isn't too bad" Merry said and Frodo agreed. Slowly they put the paper on and counted to three and RRRRRIIIIIIPPPPPPP!!!!!!!!!!! The only thing that could be heard in the house and the street was AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

"Shut up!" from all the elves.

"Well you wanted you wanted waxing!" Jippin sniggered while the rest of the house laughed.

"Okay we'll wear the shoes" they said and ran upstairs.

We looked at the paper. "Whoa! You guys have like afro feet move over Guy Sebastian!" yelled Elfy.

"Hurry up you lot or we'll be later for the bus! Seeing as how Boromir broke the car now we have to take the bus!" Elfy said.

They came down with shoes on "Let's go!" We grabbed our bags and left to meet the bus.

~At school ~

 The principal allowed them to stay when Jippin said that they were friends of theirs from Chicargo and wanted to see an Australian high school.

 "I'm taking Merry with me to science and the rest of the day "Elfy said. Leaving Jippin with Frodo whose name was now Matt. 

~Elfy's Day~

"Merry your name is now Scott just for today now the first class we have today science DON'T TOUCH ANYTHING UNLESS YOU ARE TOLD TO get it?" Elfy said Scott nodded (not knowing who or what science was he agreed.)

They walked into the classroom and took there seats and the teacher (Mr. Johns) said "Today we will be doing the Bunsen Burner test"

"Oh crap" said a stressed Elfy but Scott looked interested.

"What are we doing" he asked as Elfy lead them into the Lab 

"We have to prove to our teacher that we can use a Bunsen burner" said Elfy. "We'll just our turn I mean my turn and I'll show him and were out of here because it's the six period and then we can go home without being killed".

"Miss Elfy your test please" Mr. Johns said. Elfy being best in her year aced the BB test with full marks. And to her distress Mr. Johns asked Scott to do the test he turned on the and lit the match and poof the whole science lab exploded not but it did look like a mini atomic bomb had gone off in the lab but everyone's surprise he got an F- and not a murder charge. Then thankfully the bell rang "see ya" Scott said but the teacher said it's a fire drill!! 

 "A fire what?" Scott asked as the classroom was emptied 

 "Thanks to you we have to get up to the oval! And we'll be late to get home!" Elfy angrily said.

~Jippin's Day~

 "Matt we are going to social science" seeing the blank look on his face she explained ït's history and stuff and remember you are from Chicargo " they went in and had there lesson everything was going fine until "Mr. Matt will you please tell us what it's like in home town?" asked Mrs. Smith. To Jippin's stress Frodo stood up and started taking about the Shire!

 "what would I give for a disturbance right about now" Jippin thought and it was granted RRRRRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGG" fire drill everyone!" Mrs. Smith said and all went up to the oval.

~At the mansion~

At home the ground rule number three was broken in a way by two certain male elves namely Legolas and Haldir had some how gotten onto the computer and were on the internet watching and learning everything about mating. On really really bad sites (don't ask us how they got there).

Then they went up stairs and looked through their draws Haldir had an interesting time in Elfy draws he discovered something very interesting. And tried it on the wrong way. In the day Pippin had ordered a pizza with extra extra hot chill sauce with chilies and hot sauce.

"And which account would you like to charge that to. Jippin or Elfy?" the guy asked.

After a few seconds of thought Pippin replied. "Jippin's account. Elfy would kill me".

"What are you charging to my account?" Jippin asked as they came through the door, dragging Merry and Frodo by the ear.

"Pizza"

"Well that's okay" she replied flopping down on the couch as Haldir walked in with a g-string on…but backwards.

"Elfy". Both the girls look up.

"AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!". Legolas, who was standing behind Jippin, covered her eyes with his hand and she grabbed his arm for support but feels something familiar on his arm. She pulled his hand off and noticed the white bands on his forearm that went from wrist to elbow.

"Do you know what they mean? Have you been through mine and Elfy's stuff?" Jippin asked.

"Haldir went through Elfy's stuff and yeah, we know what they mean" Legolas replied. Pippin casually walks in, then sees Haldir and screams his head off.

"I'm hallucinating again" he yelled.

"No your not, it's real or Elfy's hopes so anyway".

"I do not. I'm looking at his face and Haldir, roll up your sleeves" Elfy said.

"I don't wanna" he said in a babyish tone.

"Do it!" she warned and rolled up one. "And the other". Reluctantly he did so and revealed the white bands. Just as she was about to say something, Pippin came running out of the kitchen, laughing his head off.

"Pippin what did you eat?"

"Straight caffeine" he replied.

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Luineraugwen: Thank you to all the people who waited to read this new chapter.

Jippin: I hate to say it, but I don't think anyone read the last chapter or at least they didn't review.

Luineraugwen: Please if you read this you must review. It makes us happy and more chapters come. Trust me we have some really good ideas for the next chapter. R&R


	5. Chapter 5Caution: Water Is Dangerous Par...

Disclaimer: We don't own LOTR or the characters. We do however own the Gondor Boy song and we will be very pissed off if someone uses it without our permission.

Warning: Mature audiences only. You were warned!! Read at your own risk.

Pippin's caffeine eating incident had resulted in Gandalf screaming death threats at him which could be heard from all corners of the house. Jippin was trying to convince Legolas to get rid of the white bands while Elfy desperately tried to get Haldir out of the g-string without being scarred for life and failed miserably. 

"Do you actually wear these kinds of things?" he asked.

"Some do, I don't…but your wearing it backwards" Elfy replied.

"I think it looks kind of…" Haldir gave Elfy a mischievous but hopeful look. Unfortunately, on his half, it didn't work. Elfy backed away slowly, reaching for the door nob, then opened the door and bolted down the hallway screaming

"HE'S HHHHHHHOOOOOOOORRRRRRRNNNNNNNYYYYYY". Raised eyebrows from all and someone yelled out.

"There's gonna be lots of mini Haldirs' and Elfys' soon".

"Oh no there's not! Not while I'm sane" Elfy yelled

"In that case there will be lots of mini Jippins' and Legolass'" Legolas said.

"Over my dead body!" Jippin yelled.

"That can be arranged" Boromir whispered.

"Stop stealing my lines" she replied.

"C'mon, would you really miss her?" he whined.

Legolas jumped down from the staircase and pounced on Gondor boy angrily. "I'd miss her" he hissed dangerously.

"HHHUUURRRLLL!!!" yelled all the surrounding elves except for Legolas.

"What is it with these elves?"

Boromir was still screaming death threats at Jippin and Elfy. Haldir had finally taken the g-string off and was helping hold him back. The two girls started to jump around dancing and singing.

Gonna cry Boromir

Gonna cry Boromir

Huh huh huh 

Gonna cry Boromir

Break down and cry Gondor boy

"That's not helping!" Haldir yelled fiercely.

"We know, that's why were doing it" Jippin answered.

The argument was interrupted by numerous things. Aragorn came out in bright, bright red bikini, Gandalf finally caught up with Pippin and was using magic on him.

"Hasam!!!!"

"Gandalf your not going to blow his head off, that's my job!" Jippin screamed.

Inspired by Aragorn's bikini wearing (which he seriously got his head bitten off by Elfy who was not impressed) everyone decided to go swimming in the Olympic sized swimming pool in the backyard. Only problem was, Elfy and Jippin forgot to explain the use of swimmers.

The two girls waited for the others to come outside. They screamed as Haldir and Legolas came out. Legolas wore a white bikini while Haldir was wearing a black bikini. The girls continued to scream.

"What's the matter, we're only dressed like you?" Legolas asked.

"No your not" they replied. Note: they were on the verge of hurling.

Then, in order, the rest of the group showed up wearing:

Gimli- a gold bikini with red tassels

Aragorn- same as before. Bright red

Frodo- light blue bikini

Sam- yellow bikini

Merry- dark Green bikini

Pippin- nothing because he was still high on the straight caffeine

Gandalf- zebra skin bikini

Celeborn- Leopard skin bikini

Boromir- maroon bikini

Faramir- purple bikini

Denethor- purple and green bikini

Elrond- tiger skin bikini

Then the girls came out dressed in bord shorts and shirts.

"Legolas, white is the absence of color" Jippin hissed, her face deathly white. Legolas looked down at himself and stripped off the bottom, causing Jippin to faint and Haldir to cover Elfy's innocent eyes.

"Legolas, pull that up. Your scaring the children" Aragorn said laughing his head off.

"Hey, we're 18 and a half" Elfy yelled while Jippin just made dead groaning noise.

Half an hour later, they were all in the pool. Jippin and Elfy were trying to stay clear of all boys, especially Boromir who was still trying to kill them. But there was a problem…Elfy could not escape Haldir's gaze.

"I don't think he's over his hornyness yet" Jippin whispered.

"I heard that!"

"So what, do you even know what it means?" Elfy yelled to the elf.

"Yes and its true" he replied. Jippin and Elfy go pale again. Suddenly Boromir pulled Elfy under the water while Jippin tried to kick him where it should hurt. He let her go and she floated to the surface, mouth open.

"Maybe she needs mouth-to-mouth?" Haldir asked.

"No thank you. I can do without" Elfy replied stopping her little game of play dead.

Boromir grabbed Jippin and tried to drown her instead. It probably would have worked had she not have yelled out.

"Legolas…he trying to look up my….shorts!". Legolas came over, grabbed the Gondorian out of the water and promptly punched his lights out.

"C'mon everyone, I know another place we can go!" Elfy yelled.

Hour later they were all at the local waterslides. They had the whole park to themselves to avoid the injury and scarring of small children. Even the workers weren't there.

Jippin climbed up the biggest slide which was called the 'Kamikaze' and showed them what to do. She went flying down the ramp really face and by the time she'd gotten back to the group, the horrified looks still hadn't left their faces.

"Don't worry, you don't have to do that one. Go on the other one if you like" she said before grabbing a mat and heading for the one nickname 'Kool Daddy'. For the next two hours remotely exciting happens but after that…

Frodo had just gone down the Kool Daddy and gotten stuck. Sam, without thinking, went down the slide after him. Problem was he was a little stiff and it turned into a very sticky and hard situation. All the others could say for Frodo for the rest of the day was "Owww" because he could barely walk after their encounter. 

Elrond had decided to have a go on the Kamikaze. He went over the first bump, then when he came to the second, he flew right off!

"Elrond watch out for that jet!"

WHACK

"Elrond watch out for that helicopter!"

WHACK

"Watch out for that landing…"

WHACK

"And that pole!"

"Thanks for the warning" he mumbled.

"Your welcome" Jippin replied.

After that the elves tried not to take flying lessons. They also realised they were elves…not witches.

Aragorn and Arwen were going down Small Fry and the only thing that could hear was them resiting the vowels. *Wink* *Wink*

"Hey this is not spelling and your breaking ground rule number three!" Elfy yelled.

"But we're not in the house!" they yelled.

"But your on the ground!" she replied then they went down the Kamikaze together.

"Your on the…"

"No we're not on the ground!" they screamed.

"You will be soon". 

Elfy got stuck in the middle of one of slides and unfortunately for her, Haldir was the next to come down. Haldir was yet to get over his little 'episode', although it wasn't so bad…but you can't blame his for trying. He tried…but failed miserably. 

"You got hairy legs" Elfy said to him.

"Really, I hadn't noticed because I'm always wearing tights" he replied. Elfy screamed tried in vain to get away from him.

Sam decided to have a go at the Kamikaze…but he broke it. He was so fat that the concert couldn't hold him and he feel through.

"C'mon you guys, we'd better go before the cops come" Elfy said and they made for the car and drove off into the sunset.

************

Luineraugwen: We had soooo much fun with this chapter. Keep in mind this is only Part One. We'll get Part 2 up as soon as we possibly can. Remember R&R and tell us what think. 

Seeya


	6. Caution: Water is Dangerous Part 2

Disclaimer: Don't own LOTR or its characters.

Warning: Same as the last chapter. Mature audiences. Read at own risk.

******************

"Now we have to give you guys one hell of a lecture!" Elfy said waving a finger at the foreigners. "I'm sad to inform you Elrond but you are NOT a bird. Sam wait your turn next time. Boromir is you dare touch this car, I will kill you. Aragorn and Arwen stop fucking mating. Keep the spider picture in your head!" she yelled.

"Can I get some ice?" Frodo asked painfully.

"You waited this long to ask for ice?" Elfy answered.

"Why don't we just get a Shush Puppy and shove it up his arse?" Jippin said. She wasn't very happy because she had to sit next to Boromir, who was still trying to kill her but Legolas, who was on her other side, wouldn't let him. Praise the elves…well most of them anyway.

"Where are we going?" Pippin asked.

"The beach. We're going to have a big bonfire" Jippin replied.

Half an hour later everyone was swimming peacefully, except for Jippin and Elfy who were constantly trying to escape Legolas and Haldir. Unfortunately for Jippin, Legolas had decided to follow Haldir's example. Now they were both horny. Arwen somehow managed to loose her bikini top, causing her to stand up and say at the top of her voice.

"Oh no, I've lost my shirt" and for Aragorn's head to spin around so her could stare at her.

"Not in this lifetime"  Elrond said putting a hand over Aragorn's eyes.

"Any chance of the bottom being lost?" he yelled.

"Oh no, there goes the bottom too!" she yelled back. Aragorn's swimmers became pointy. Elrond, sensing this, said.

"Over my dead body!".

"Would you people stop stealing my lines?" Jippin yelled.

"Okay, all the guys can go skinny dipping while the girls wait their turn" Elfy said. The beach suddenly turned into one big bath full of naked guys. Celeborn ran down the sand towards the water, stripping off at the same time and yelling 'FREEDOM'. Unfortunately, Elfy and Jippin were not out of the water and saw everything. The lord of Lothlorien dived in they saw Haldir and Legolas in his wake and screamed. Elfy and Jippin high-tailed it right out of there and ran towards the sand dunes which they hoped would bring some shelter. Unfortunately  for them, Haldir and Legolas emerged from the water to follow them as bare as the day they were born.

"Why won't you ladies join us?" Legolas asked casually walking over the sand.

"Because your naked. Put some clothes on and we'll think about it" Jippin replied.

"Come on Lady Galadriel and Arwen are doing it"  Haldir said trying to convince them.

"Well whop-di-do for them" Elfy yelled back. "Besides, you come from a place where  skinny dipping is common and is enjoyed by many, us on the other hand, have never experienced it before, thus we are a little bit …shy". The two girls were blushing furiously.

"Don't worry, it's fine when you get used to it" Haldir said walking and standing behind Elfy, playing with the ties of her bikini top as he embraced her. Elfy swallowed, then realised what he was doing.

"Hey whoa there cowboy. There's an old tale of a cow jumping over the moon…well if you don't stop messing with the ties of my top, then I will kick you over the moon!"  Elfy said dangerously, putting distance between her and Haldir.

"Hey come on you guys, the hobbits have made a huge bonfire" Aragorn yelled from the beach. Legolas and Haldir grabbed a girl each and dragged them back to the group. The long downfall was none of them had decided to put their clothes on. 

The elves were singing as everyone, except for Elfy and Jippin who wanted to remain sane-ish, jumped over the fire. Everyone made it, but as Pippin was jumping over the flames, his feets caught on fire and he ran as fast as lightning to the water to put his feet out.

"My feet!!! I've gone something stupider than usual" he screamed.

Because of the Pippin's burning his feet incident, and the faint sounds of sirens in the distance, the group was forced to leave the beach…fast. The sand caused many to trip over in the frenzy of dressing themselves…many fell arse over head into the sand. Because Arwen didn't have any clothes, Celeborn let her borrow his outer green robe. No matter how much Aragorn had seen of her before, he wasn't gonna see anymore. At least tonight.

Just as they pulled out of the parking lot, Elfy (who was driving) saw the blue and red lights in the rear view mirror.

"Hold onto your seats everyone, we got cops on our tails!!!!" Elfy screamed and punched the four wheel drive into the highest gear. Having watched many car chase shows and movies, Elfy had a clear idea of what she had to go…so she hoped. All she had to was STAY AWAY FROM THE COPS then LOSE EM' and PRAY HE DIDN'T CALL FOR HELP!!!!!!!!!!!!! It wasn't long before they lost the pursuit car. Actually it was more like a few thousand corners, dark roads and continuous moans of "I'm gonna be sick" from all the passengers.

Once they got home the elves immediately jumped out of the car and raced for the trees and threw up whatever they'd eaten in the last few thousand years…which by the way wasn't much.

"Come on people inside its getting late. Best get to bed" Jippin announced and no-one complained as they made their way to their rooms.

************

Luineraugwen: Sorry this was so short and it wasn't as good as the last chapter and it took so long to get up but shit happens. Shit being school but it's nice school. Jippin and I were going to add Ice-skating but we decided to put it in later. Update soon…I hope. 

Later J


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